Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
