Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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