She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
