marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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