So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
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