You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize