Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
