ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
