Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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