I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
