I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize