no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
