Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Send help, water and tortillas.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
