I cannot find my penis.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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