If that was your dad, he is hot
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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