I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
