I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My feet surprised me
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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