i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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