physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
