I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
