Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
