with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
