Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
