Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
