You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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