ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
