No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
