Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
