There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize