Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
