I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
