i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
