so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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