Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
