First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
