You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
