My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
