Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
