you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Farmville is her only friend.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
they're like a gay fantastic four
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
