Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
