Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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