and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
