I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
