For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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