I'm really into asian looking animals
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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