Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
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