you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
