Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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