I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
