there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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