My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
