Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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