I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize