My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
