Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Drunk is not a location!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
