it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
