Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
