my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
