You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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