Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
