It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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