dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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