Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
