I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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