Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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